Emotion coaching is a skill that can help validate a person鈥檚 experience鈥攂ut it takes practice. Follow this step-by-step guide to learn how to use this important skill with patients, co-workers, family members and friends.
By Megan Call, Trinh Mai and Megan Jean Whitlock | 4 minutes
Peer support is a protective factor against the harmful impacts of stress. Perceived support among healthcare workers is related to an increase in patient safety, teamwork, participation, accountability and work-life balance. It is also related to a decrease in delays in care delivery, disruptive behavior and burnout. Emotion coaching is one way to provide peer support.
WHAT IS EMOTION COACHING?
Emotion coaching is a skill we can use at work with our patients and each other and also outside of work.
Emotion coaching has been researched for decades by Dr. , a clinical psychologist out of the 人妻中出视频 of Washington. He studies factors that help or harm relationships.
The basic goal of emotion coaching is to validate a person鈥檚 experience.
WHY DOES IT MATTER?
Emotion coaching is associated with all sorts of benefits in 人妻中出视频ren and families (healthier peer groups, less substance use, better school performance) and in adult relationships (increased satisfaction with partner, stay together longer).
Emotion coaching can be helpful during happy, fun conversations and during stressful ones.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
Emotion Coaching consists of four parts:
- Self-Disclosure: A person shares some information with you.
- Vulnerability: This sharing, even if it something very common (鈥淚sn鈥檛 it great to have a sunny morning?鈥), is a moment of vulnerability.
- Validation: If you validate the person鈥檚 comment (鈥淚t is really nice out.鈥), then the person feels heard.
- Increased connectedness: If a person feels heard, they are very likely to feel more connected to you and share a little more.
There are three simple ways to validate a person鈥檚 experience.
- Reflect: Share back with the person what you heard them say, like as if you were a sports commentator describing a play during a game. (鈥淵ou鈥檙e wondering what鈥檚 going to happen.鈥
- Name the Emotion: Acknowledge the emotion that the person might be experiencing as they describe their circumstance. 鈥淪ounds really frustrating鈥 or 鈥淪ounds really stressful.鈥
- Get Curious: Ask more about the person鈥檚 experience. 鈥淭ell me more about ______鈥 or 鈥淗ow are you doing with all of this?鈥
GIVE IT A TRY NOW
Take a look at these example statements under the 鈥淪ay This鈥 column and see if you can label the statement as a Reflection, Naming the Emotion or Getting Curious.
SAY THIS
NOT THIS
- That sounds really tough.
- That sounds really frustrating/scary/sad.
- You're really worried.
- You're wondering what's going to happen.
- I can tell how hard you're working.
- Are you OK?
- What are you doing to take care of yourself?
- At least you have a job.
- You鈥檒l get over it.
- You shouldn鈥檛 feel that way.
- I don鈥檛 know why you鈥檙e so upset?
- You should think more positively.
- Unsolicited advice.
- Nothing.
NOW, LET'S TAKE A MOMENT TO PRACTICE WITH A SCENARIO
Read the following statements and say in your mind how you鈥檇 emotion coach. Then, choose which of the following two options sounds more like emotion coaching.
Co-Worker: 鈥淭hat鈥檚 me, depressed.鈥
How would you respond?
- 鈥淲hat? Not you, we need you!鈥
- 鈥淵eah, a lot of people are feeling that way right now.鈥
Co-Worker: 鈥淚 just feel tired all the time and I get overwhelmed so easily.鈥
How would you respond?
- 鈥淵ou should probably get more sleep.鈥
- 鈥淚t makes sense. You鈥檙e doing a lot.鈥
Co-Worker: 鈥淚 know. I just wish I knew when it was going to get better.鈥
How would you respond?
- 鈥淵eah, you can鈥檛 think about that.鈥
- 鈥淥h man, I hear you. Anything that you鈥檝e done lately that鈥檚 been helpful?鈥
Reflect on your answers. What was it about the responses you chose that indicated emotional coaching for you? Consider how it would feel to emotion coach? What would it feel like for someone to use emotion coaching with you? What is one thing you will take away from this exercise?
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPLEMENTING IN CLINIC
- Give it a try. Have clinic employees experiment with emotion coaching鈥攅ither with patients, co-worker or outside of work鈥攁nd then share their experience with the technique during another group meeting.
- Recognize each other. Have clinic employees recognize each other when they notice a co-worker using emotion coaching. (鈥淚 really like the way you used emotion coaching with that last patient.鈥)
- Incorporate this skill with other exercises from the Joy in Work Foundations toolkit, like check-in questions and the positive psychology tools.
- Get creative! There are many ways to build emotion coaching into team culture.
THREE EXPERT TIPS FOR CLINICS
Tip 1: Encourage clinic employees to practice this skill at their own pace. Perhaps they could pick a patient or person to use emotion coaching with and simply try out the skill one or two times in the conversation.
Tip 2: Inform clinic employees that they do not have to name the emotion or experience exactly. The person they are using emotion coaching with will likely correct them if what they say doesn鈥檛 quite fit, which is completely normal and helpful.
- Person 1: 鈥淚t sounds like you鈥檙e really frustrated.鈥
- Person 2: 鈥淎ctually I鈥檓 really worried.鈥
Tip 3: It鈥檚 going to feel weird. We aren鈥檛 taught to communicate with each other this way. Typically, when someone brings us a problem, we try to fix it instead of just simply listen. It will take some time and practice for emotion coaching to feel comfortable. Your conversations might move a little more slowly while you鈥檙e figuring out how to use the technique.
REFERENCES
- Fainsilber Katz, L., Maliken, A., & Stettler, N. (2012). Child Development Perspectives, 6(4), 417-422.
- Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1996). Journal of Family Psychology, 10(3), 243鈥268.
- Sexton, B. (2020). Psychological safety: . Duke Center for 人妻中出视频care Safety and Quality.
Originally published October 2020
CONTRIBUTORS
Megan Call
Licensed psychologist, Associate Chief Wellness Officer, Director of the Resiliency Center, 人妻中出视频 of Utah 人妻中出视频
Trinh Mai
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Megan Jean Whitlock
Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Good Talk Therapy