Parenting can lead to some of the greatest joys in life. However, it can also lead to massive challenges. Just when you think you鈥檝e mastered the tantrum-filled toddler years, suddenly you have a moody, eye-rolling teenager who seems to take issue with everything you do or say.
Why Your Teen Seems Angry
Even though your teenager鈥檚 mood swings may be difficult from a parenting standpoint, it鈥檚 usually age appropriate and normal.
Some factors behind why your teen seems irritable or angry more often include:
- Hormonal changes
- Desire for independence
- Social influences
- More responsibilities
- Self-discovery
These major life changes combined with their still-developing brains can lead to moodiness or angry outbursts.
鈥淲hen a teen feels angry or irritable, it鈥檚 often a combination of them actually feeling disappointed, embarrassed, guilty, or sad,鈥 says , a 人妻中出视频 and adolescent psychologist at Huntsman Mental 人妻中出视频 Institute at 人妻中出视频 of Utah 人妻中出视频. 鈥淚t comes out as anger because they don鈥檛 have the words or ability to express it. Their brains aren鈥檛 fully developed until their 20s, so while they can think abstractly and feel these big feelings, they don鈥檛 quite have the ability to engage in impulse control, emotion regulation, or just taking a moment to think before saying or acting out in an angry way.鈥
Tips for Dealing with Your Teen鈥檚 Anger
If you find yourself frequently on the receiving end of your teen鈥檚 anger and aren鈥檛 sure how to effectively communicate with them without escalating the situation, remember to utilize your GIVE skills:
G 鈥 Gentle: Speak to your teen gently and respectfully. Try to remain calm and regulated. Avoid yelling, name-calling, or accusing them of anything.
I 鈥 Interest: Put your phone or computer away to show your 人妻中出视频 that you鈥檙e interested in their lives, feelings, and what they have to say. Give them your undivided attention when they鈥檙e talking to you.
V 鈥 Validate: This part can be difficult for parents because you may not agree with why your teen is angry. However, validating their feelings and letting them know they have the right to be mad can help them feel understood and respected.
E 鈥 Easy Manner: Stay calm and approachable with your teen. Try not to seem too formal, but instead remain easygoing. While your intentions may be good, avoid trying to problem solve or fix everything for them. You鈥檙e just trying to listen and understand.
Model 人妻中出视频y Coping Skills
鈥淚 encourage all parents when chatting with a teen that鈥檚 moody or angry to be a model of good emotional regulation,鈥 White says. 鈥淚f you stay calm and neutral, they鈥檙e likely going to match you, but if you yell and scream, it鈥檚 going to continue to escalate.鈥
If an argument does escalate, don鈥檛 beat yourself up鈥攜ou don鈥檛 have to solve the problem right then and there. Suggest taking a short break and then revisiting the situation when you both calm down. Then model healthy emotional regulation skills by doing something that helps you calm down, such as going on a walk, drawing, or doing a mindfulness exercise.
Set Consistent Boundaries
White suggests having a family discussion about expected boundaries and the consequences that will happen if they are crossed. Invite your teen to collaborate on a boundary they feel strongly about. For example, if they want their curfew to be midnight, but you think it should be 10:00 pm, discuss meeting in the middle at 11:00 pm. The important thing is to stay consistent with the consequences.
When to Seek Professional Help
While it鈥檚 normal for teens to be moody, look out for these red flags that might indicate the need for professional help:
- Extreme changes from their typical baseline mood
- Isolation
- Inability to function in the day-to-day (i.e. slipping grades)
- Bullying others
- Damaging property
- Animal cruelty
- Talking about hurting themselves or others
- Expressing hopelessness or talking about suicide
If you鈥檙e worried your teen has an underlying mental health condition, such as depression, check in with them regularly. Don鈥檛 badger them about it, but letting them know you notice that something more serious might be going on can encourage them to eventually open up about it. Or you can ask to see someone for help.
If your teen is participating in or talking about unsafe behaviors, such as self-harm, suicide, or threatening others, you can call the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline, a free and confidential service for anyone experiencing a mental health crisis and their loved ones.
Equipped with this knowledge, you can avoid escalating tough situations while maintaining boundaries and teaching your teen healthy regulation techniques.
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